Saturday, May 30, 2009

Embrace change.

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."- Helen Keller

Almost two years ago I packed two suitcases and flew to California to start a new life.  I remember being a bit apprehensive yet smugly confident the few weeks before departing. 

It would have been safe and comfortable for me to live near my parents' house in Connecticut, go home for Sunday dinners, hang out with all my college friends in New York or Boston, used my connections to build a solid client base near home...But I knew it was time to go, and California was calling me in the strongest and strangest way.  

There was definitely an adjustment period, but otherwise I was unruffled by the move across the country.  People couldn't believe I'd made such a "bold" move.  But I shrugged my shoulders.  I'd never seen it as a risk nor questioned myself for I knew this change was vital to my happiness and development.

Three months after I moved here, I met someone and lost myself in a breathtaking, incredible relationship.  I began to change, let go of my boundaries, and it was scary at first, letting myself be completely open and vulnerable in so many ways.   Yet soon I slowly forgot my own visions and dreams.  I took jobs that weren't in alignment with my life purpose because I was scared I wasn't good enough on my own.  Then I hurt my hip, broke my leg and sprained my knee all within a year, and lost the ability to run and practice yoga.  It seemed the only good thing I had left was my relationship.

It was wrong and unfair of me to rely on someone else who was trying to piece his own life together, but I thought his love for me and the security of our relationship would make everything better, would be enough to fill me up.  Looking back, even in the deepest moments of our love, I was unhappy because I wasn't taking care of ME (which meant neither my life nor my body.)  It was easier to focus on someone else than do the hard work on myself. 

Initially I was devastated by the breakup and so frightened to be without him.  Lately it's turned to a glorious feeling of exhilaration.  My future is so bright and certain now that I am tuning in to my own needs and dreams.   And I'm starting to recognize myself again, the girl who embraced all of life's adventures.  I am able to run, do yoga, partake in all kinds of new fitness classes, and am taking on my health and career with renewed vigor.  

So whatever change comes about, don't fight it.  What you resist persists.  Rather, embrace it, and look for how this moment is shaping your life in the most perfect way, the way it's meant to be.    Take it from me:  it will totally be fine.

1 comment:

  1. Isn't it funny how the most liberating moments in life include no one but ourselves?

    [PS--I love this posting]